


The joyfulness I’m looking for

by scarletchidori



Series: Royai Week 2019 [4]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 08:29:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19205677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletchidori/pseuds/scarletchidori
Summary: Riza and Roy think about the joy they have found after years of suffering and self-blame.





	The joyfulness I’m looking for

**Author's Note:**

> Royai week day 4: Picture prompt.  
> I don't know what to think about this one-shot. I don't like it but I don't hate it either. I guess I tried to go out my comfort zone (which was keeping them "close" but "without crossing the line"), and I don't know if this work is good but I hope you will like it.  
> As always I checked multiple times my work but if you find some mistakes, please let me know.

_“It’s there that I’ll find,_

_Inner peace, not war_

_And dreams that I let slip away._

_I’ll find the joyfulness I’m looking for_

_way back in yesterday”_

_(Can't Say Goodbye to Yesterday - Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty)_

 

*

 

I never thought something like this would happen. The only man I've ever loved in my life was off-limits for me. But since my grandfather abolished the anti-fraternization law then I felt like life was giving me a chance to be happy.  
When I was younger I always thought that my life was nothing but ordinary, sure my father was not ‘ordinary’ but  all in all was nothing too special. I was mature beyond my years, being motherless at a very young age, but I still had some kind of innocence about the world. Despite being alone most of the day, I still had Roy when he wasn’t studying with my father. Then I joined the military and life took a sharp turn and everything changed when I met Roy again on the battlefield and slowly he was ‘Colonel” and I was just his ‘“Lieutenant’. There was nothing left of our childish dreams, military wasn’t what we thought. Years and years of self-hatred for everything they made us, the Ishval War is one of the military greatest sins.

 

I never wanted to be a mother, not because I didn’t like children, but because I thought I didn’t deserve to have a family or to be a mother after all the lives I took.  
But now as  I watch my son sleeping in his cradle I can’t find anything else to think about other than my love for him. He’s smiling in his sleep, I hope he’s having a good dream, because he deserves only happiness in his life. His life must be full of joy and laughter, not filled with screams and deaths. Our children will have a better future than us, a better life then the one Edward  and Alphonse had… filled with loneliness and pain for a huge chunk of their life. I want to give everything to my son, everything he wants. I want to fill his life with love and protection, the kind of protection my father never gave me.

 

_“Roy?”_   
_“Riza? What happened?”_   
_“I have to tell you something”_   
_“I’m all yours”, he replies with a smile._   
_I keep staring at him. I’m scared. Scared about this child and to be a terrible mother, scared at the possibility of raising this child alone. I don’t want to be alone, I want Roy to be with me like we’re supposed to. We were born to love each other,  of that I’m sure._   
_“Riza?”._   
_“I’m pregnant”._   
_“What?”_   
_“I’m pregnant”, I repeat._   
_“I’m going to be a father? You are not kidding, are you?”_   
_“I’m not kidding”._   
_His eyes lights up and his smile is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen. Suddenly he hugs me tightly before moving away from me._   
_“Sorry”, he says “Did I hurt you?”_   
_“No..”  
He kisses me, his lips delicate on mine, and all my fears melts away._

 

“Hey, Ri”.  
“Roy-boy”.  
“Please don’t”, he says with a smile “Maes looks even more cuter than usual… like his father, after all”.  
“Yeah, sure”, I reply “Of course he’s cute like his father, who by the way sings “The Song of the Flame Alchemist” every single night”  
“The beautiful song of the Flame Alchemist, you mean”, he smiles “Maes loves it”.

 

I touch my son small hand, he’s to tiny, so fragile. He squeezes my finger, his grip is so strong, as he opens his eyes. He smiles  and keep staring at us with those little eyes that holds everything I love.

 

“I wish Maes was here”, Roy whispers.  
“I know”, I say kissing his cheek  “I know you miss him, I miss him too”.  
“Maes  always wanted something like this for me, you know?”, he asks “A family; a wife, a son or a daughter, a happy life free from my guilt. I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for what’ve done… but watching our son I feel lighter. I feel like I deserve all of this”.  
“You do”  
“You too”.  
Maes grip on my finger weakens, he fell asleep again, with the ever present little smile on his face.  
“Let’s go”, I whisper “Our little boy is tired”.

  
We go to the living room while I struggle to keep my eyes open. I sit on the sofa forcing myself to stay awake.

 

“Do you want some tea?”, he asks.  
“No, thank you”, I say “I’m just tired”.  
He sits next to me with a smile “Lay your head on my shoulder”  
“You’re tired too”, I say laying my head on his shoulder.  
“Not as much as you”, he whispers squeezing my hand.

 

I have everything that I’ve ever wanted, even things I didn’t know I wanted, and now that I am a mother, I just want to make sure that my child  will have everything that I’ve never had. Maes will have a mother and a father who loves him very much. When you lose a parent soon, too soon, all you want is for your children to not go through the same experiences as you. Maes will find out our role in the Ishval War sooner or later, but we’re not alone. Not anymore.

“Roy?”  
“Yes, dear?”  
“I love you”.  
“I love you too”


End file.
